I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
