it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
