she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
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You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
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I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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