No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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