haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
