i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
