oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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