Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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