I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
