it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
