He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
