Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
