I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Randomize
