Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
