Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
