Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
