Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Randomize
