I want you more than these girls want KFC
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
