i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
