You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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