The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
