shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
