I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
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My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
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oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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