Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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