Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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