Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
