Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
