dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
