So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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