That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
