so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
