It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
