People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
