I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
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Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
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will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize