This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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