remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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