WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
