my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
