I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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