I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
