your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
