I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
