Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
