you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
