Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
No more Irish car bombs ever.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
