Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
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I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
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She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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