Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
