Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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