I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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