thus making me awesome and them whores
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
