that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
