Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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