If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
