I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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