i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
