it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
