Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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