I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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