Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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