ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
