dude i'm inner monologue high
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
