He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Randomize
