So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!