i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.