i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then