Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim