i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE