I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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