Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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