So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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