the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Randomize
