I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
